Hey there nerds.
It’s summer in the Midwest which can mean only one thing; the ice has finally melted and we are allowed to remove a few of our layers (we have VERY specific laws up here). Unfortunately it means that bathing suit season is here and we must prepare our bodies to fit (awkwardly of course) into our nerd themed swimsuits (R2D2, represent). I hate working out; it’s the worst- so I’ve decided to develop my top five nerd acceptable workout routines.
5. Running- I could do a top five list on all the reasons why running sucks. I get sweaty and make ugly faces and if I do it for more than a few minutes, I’m liable to puke up the Taco Bell breakfast I had that morning. But there is a reason it made this list. Zombies. Despite having a fully stocked underground bunker and bug out bag, at some point I will be fleeing the zombie apocalypse; and if I’m just a tiny bit quicker than my neighbor, I may make it past the first thirty minutes.
On a calorie killing scale of 1 to 5, running is a 4- guaranteed to burn a motherload. This is wonderful, because obviously the zombies are going to need to feed, and I’ll be damned if they get any satisfaction from consuming me.
4. Cosplay Endurance Challenge- What’s a quicker way to shed ten pounds then spending fourteen straight hours in a full bodied storm trooper costume? Chances are, you stood outside the convention center for a good two hours and more than likely it was nearing 100 degrees. Now, I figure with a little math we can easily figure the perfect threshold of weight loss (Warning, math is my worst subject. I literally can talk longer about building supplies than I can division). The costume adds 50 pounds you’ve been sitting inside at an internal temp of about 112, you haven’t been able to hydrate in hours, and oh look- the wait time to get to the front of the Billy Dee Williams line is another hour and a half. At this rate, you’re going to either have lost ten pounds by the after party or died. Either way, success!
On a calorie killing scale of 1 to 5, Cosplay Endurance Challenge is a 5- be prepared to sweat your tail off. (If your cosplay doesn’t have a tail, please apply that statement to whatever is applicable.)
3. Yoga- Not only does yoga limber you up (so that you can get into that TK421 costume), but it also provides an excellent opportunity to catch up on comics or programs you couldn’t watch while you were at work. Be sure to name your yoga posses (downward facing Marvel reading). Aside from that, you can benefit from your new flexibility when the hot and spicy Cheezeits are just out of eyesight and this Halo game is hella intense.
On a calorie killing scale of 1 to 5, Yoga is low, maybe a 2. But it is impressive, and ladies dig that kind of stuff. Plus, Cheezeits- ‘nough said.
2. Motion Video Games Challenge- This is perhaps one of the most important sports of our people. Whoever decided that we could both play videogames and be semi athletic at the same time is a flippin’ genius. Yes, yes I would like to get my work out and play Mario. –I’ll even do arm curls with the wii remote while I’m waiting my turn (probably not). Watch your back Wario, I’m working on my fitness. More than likely, I’ll pause for fifteen minutes to answer the door for the pizza delivery guy- probably twice because I’m going on about 12 hours of play time right now. And of course, there’s always “Dance, Dance Revolution,” but I suggest caution, just because you can do well on this doesn’t actually mean you can dance- make no mistakes here.
On a calorie killing scale of 1 to 5, Motion Video Games are a 4. Depending on what you’re playing, it could be low energy, or something high enough energy to get you drafted to an American Sporting team. (Wooo! Go ‘Merica!)
1. Lightsaber Fights – I’m usually pretty busy at work, I’m a business manager of a nonprofit, so there is never any shortage of things to be done around here. However, when that 2:30 feeling hits, I don’t reach for an energy drink, I reach for my lightsaber. Sith lords are omnipresent; and since my staff and I never know when the dark side will send one of their Sith lords to try and topple our infrastructure, I must always be prepared. I have encouraged my interns to surprise attack me so that I will always be ready to bust out my jedi skillz. Best be sure you’re always ready to move when that fight scene “Phantom Menance” music comes on.
On a calorie killing scale of 1 to 5, Lightsaber fights are a 6. My only warning here is this: You are not Darth Maul, any attempted spinning or sidekicks that result in your immediate injury or death, I am not liable for.
Questions, Comments, Concerns and Complaints welcome, NerdGirl out.
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