March Nerdness 2012 – Elite Eight


We now have some titillating match-ups in the Elite Eight that are sure to stir up some controversy!

The Outcasts

X-men over The Defenders: How can a team with a female version of Thor (Valkyrie) have even made it this far? Well, Hulk was the sole reason, but against the combined might of Marvel’s Mightiest Mutants (take your pick of the version) even the Hulk would falter. Besides, this team had a revolving door that saw many of the X-men themselves join the ranks.

Look at that haircut. How can that haircut possibly lose?

The Umbrella Academy over Justice League International: This was a tough one. I love the underdog version of the Justice League. But ultimately “coolness” factored in. Umbrella can “Release the Kraken” and they still have a guy with a Martian gorilla body. I know I used that reason last week. But it’s a Martian gorilla body. A MARTIAN gorilla body. Besides, Guy Gardner has a stupid haircut no matter who draws him.

Now this, on the other hand, is a loser haircut.

The Boy Scouts

Surprise, Surprise. Could there have been any other outcome than The Avengers vs. the Justice League of America. I couldn’t resist. Besides, The Fantastic Four are no match for the JLA even if Mr. Fantastic did create some ridiculously-named gadget that sends them to the Negative Zone. The Avengers defeat the Green Lantern Corps because the Green Lanterns became monotonous (or is it monochromatic) while the Avengers have variety. Besides, Marvel is paying me to plug the Avengers movie because it obviously is getting absolutely no hype. Oh, and you all voted for the Avengers too.

Samuel L. Jackson’s Wallet

You also voted for The Uncanny X-Force over The Authority. This is obviously because you are the smartest and best looking Nerds in all the land.

In The Battle of Alan Moore Characters, it was as simple as reading a Rorschach inkblot:

“What do you see?”

“An owl.”

“Now what?”

“A smiley face.”

“And now?”

“A huge dead alien in the middle of New York City.”

“Ah, good. Now tell me about your mother.”

The Villains

It was difficult to choose the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants over the Legion of Doom. The Brotherhood has a slightly cooler name while the Legion has a much cooler hideout. Consider the following match-ups, however: Magneto vs. Lex Luthor, Sabretooth vs. Cheetah, Mastermind vs. Gorilla Grodd, Quicksilver vs. Captain Cold, and even Toad vs. The Toyman and you have to go with the Brotherhood.

Um, cleavage? Firm buttocks? Eww. Piper doesn't care. Just look at him!"


Finally, the power of the White Queen’s lingerie met it’s match when the Hellfire Club fell to the Rogues. You see, the Pied Piper was immune to the hypnotic spell of Emma Frost’s perky cleavage. He is also no fan of mutton chops.

So, who will advance to the final four? Check Facebook for your chance to vote on Justice League vs. Avengers and X-Force vs. The Watchmen.

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I've been a comic nerd since Spider-man and his Amazing Friends and the Super Friends. So someone please explain to me, when did Aquaman become so cool? Also, why isn't She-Hulk in more media?