What can I say at this point? You know what this movie is. You know what to expect from beginning to end. The F&F franchise has become much like a Fortune 500 company; basically it’s such a massive entity that no matter the content it’s impossible for this property to fail. Exhibit A: The Rock procedes to hang out of a vehicle to physically grab a torpedo (a missile from a submarine) and directs it at an enemy vehicle, destroying said vehicle. This all occurs on a frozen surface as a submarine chases them from below. Watching this scene unfold made me imagine the pitch in the writer’s room followed by a simple, “Why not? This franchise is too big to fail.” At this point it seems it’s becoming a dare to see what they can get away with. Anything. Everything. Holy shit.
I am fully aware that these films are not meant to be taken seriously but I just can’t take any of this in any way other than mindless, empty entertainment for the ultimate cash grab. This is a billion dollar franchise, these aren’t stopping anytime soon. That’s the motivation behind these movies so substance isn’t exactly a priority. Like a Coca-Cola, these are refreshing for a moment (sometimes) and leave behind a sense of regret over time and money wasted.
I was a fan of this franchise until Fast Five when it became obvious what this franchise had become and that’s repetitive nonsense. Here’s the basic structure of a Fast & Furious film, insert which ever number you want: Brief update on characters followed by pointless, of no importance to story, action sequence. Prelude to next action sequence followed by aforementioned action sequence. Rinse and repeat with mentions of family and riding and dying until they’re all blue in the face dumped over every bit of dialogue, in any of these movies, all of them. It’s old, I’m old. Maybe I’m just grumpy I don’t know. The predictability levels are off the charts at this point and everyone still seems amazed at the malarkey on screen.
If I have to see one more film with Vin Diesel trying to “act” dramatically I might scream in the middle of the theater. I imagine instead of dirty looks and shushing I will have started a myriad of likewise reactions to his attempt at anything beyond having big muscles to flex. Even then, The Rock shows him up in every way. Sorry Diesel, you are the weakest link, goodbye.
Don’t even get me started on Ludacris as a digital hacker genius. Universal hired casting directors from MTV I think. Anyway…
I’m going to stop trashing this movie, you already know if you’ll like this newest addition to an over-inflated corpse of a movie franchise. I have many more issues with this movie but I’ll just leave it where it is. You probably hate me for stating my opinion that would dare differ from yours (This is the internet after all) so why continue? If you like the previous F&F installments you will love this one.
I like movies that make me think, that ask questions of its audience. I like a film that operates under the assumption that you don’t suck your thumb in rush hour traffic as a fifty year-old. In other words, a movie that assumes you aren’t a bit slow, that a complicated storyline isn’t off putting but rather intriguing. Movies like F8 and the seemingly unending Transformers movies offer the opposite of thought provoking. I want to clarify that I am by no means operating under the falsity of some superior intelligence, I just want to be challenged sometimes during my movie going experience. Whether that’s in a thought twisting way, a slow, methodical creep that’s attempting to scare the shit out of me if it’s a horror film; I just want some effort in every regard for my hard earned pay dirt. I want to be met halfway at least and for my money, these films are stuck at the starting line. I can appreciate the mindless action movie from time to time but at this rate it seems summer is officially the season of the dumb and empty. Yeah, I’m definitely grumpy.
Summary: If you like the previous, you will love the new. If you haven’t given these movies a chance, might I recommend a nice enema instead. The relief will be far more satisfying.
Rated PG-13 For: prolonged sequences of violence and destruction, suggestive content, and language
Runtime: 136 minutes
After Credits Scene: No
Genre: Action, Crime, Thriller
Starring: Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Ludacris, Charlize Theron, Kurt Russell
Directed By: F. Gary Gray
Out of 5 Nerdskulls
Story: 2/ Acting: 3/ Directing: 3/ Visuals: 4
OVERALL: 2.5 Nerdskulls
Buy to Own: No
Check out the trailer below:
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