Round one offered very a few brutal matchups. Darth Vader had to deal with the guilt of eliminating his wife for a second time and next he’s up against his daughter. The Doctor had to put down his beloved K-9. Picard had to jettison Wesley into the black void. But most of round one played out with very few surprises. My bias for the old school Star Wars and Star Trek might be readily apparent from the start.
Seven of Nine pulls the upset over Data. It makes you wonder if Data being a “fully functional” android might have been his Achilles heel. (Dirty joke quota met). While technically an upset, it should come as no surprise that The Doctor’s wife could defeat a Cyberman. On the other hand, while Darth Tyranus was seeded lower than Leia, some might find it remarkable that Leia would be able to defeat a Sith Lord. But let’s face it, Sith Lords always find a way to get themselves dismembered and Leia has a rapier wit. (Pun quota met.) The Classics had three upsets. While Frankenstein’s Creature is likely the very first science fiction character, unfortunately he has a conscience and Alex (A Clockwork Orange) does not. John Carpenter’s The Thing probably should have been seeded higher than a talking Orangatan, but the division was titled “classics” and Planet of the Apes is more of a classic than The Thing. However, I had forgotten that the original version of The Thing debuted in 1952, so I corrected that error.
The Buzzer Beaters
Mad Max vs. Flash Gordon – This was a tough one for me. Flash Gordon is THE classic sci-fi golden boy. In the 30s his comic strip and serials would eventually inspire George Lucas to create Star Wars. In the 80s, his movie inspired a Queen soundtrack. But a ray gun wielding hero is no match for the dark and brooding post-apocalyptic anti-hero wielding a shotgun.
Obi Wan vs. Mace Windu – I needed a little help determining this one and wow did I get massive feedback. Many claimed that Windu would win a lightsaber duel. Others disagreed, stating that Obi Wan defeats Darth Maul, General Grievous, and shish kabobs an evil Anakin. For me it comes down to their movie deaths. Mace Windu gets blindsided by an angry octogenarian and his angst-ridden twenty something who will soon be barbequed by Obi Wan. Obi Wan uses Vader to become “more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” Color me biased by my preference for the original episodes, but if Mace Windu is a Jedi master, I say, “Only a master of the purple lightsaber, Mace.”
Boba Fett vs. IG-88 – Here’s where I get hypocritical. If Windu’s death is lame, Boba Fett’s “death” is ludicrous (Yes I know he doesn’t actually die in the Sarlacc pit, but no one knew that in 1983). A blind Han Solo bumps his jet pack. Blind. No matter how cool IG-88 is nor how capable, there’s no way I could let any bounty hunter get the drop on the Fett.
Spock vs. Riker – Battle of the seconds in command. Pointy ears vs. the beard. Logic vs. Charm. Vulcan nerve pinch versus a debonair smile… It doesn’t take a mind meld to know that unless it’s a competition for a hot date, Spock wins. (Although according to the reboot films, Spock wins anyway).
Borg Queen vs. Dr. McCoy – “Dammit, Jim. I’m a doctor, not a… What the hell is this? You know, Jim, I preferred when the female aliens just had green skin and seductively danced about.” And so Dr. Leonard Mc Coy is quickly assimilated.
Amy Pond vs. Clara – It’s a catfight between The Doctor’s two most recent companions. Both are smoking hot, independent, intelligent, courageous ladies. When in doubt, always choose the red head. Always.
Well, there you have the results from round 1. I’m sure I’ve already made some sort of grave error. Please set me straight below. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that Star Wars fans are as feisty as a princess waiting to be rescued from a weaponized space station.
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