The Final Four have been set!

March Nerdness 2013 – The Final Four

The Final Four have been set!
The Final Four have been set!

The Final Four are here! I’ve tried to emulate the four basketball teams with each of these outcomes. Can you figure out who is Louisville, Wichita State, Michigan, or Syracuse?

Monsters:

Cthulhu has obliterated all who stood in his way and it appears that the end times have come upon us. Godzilla, Balrog, and the Jabberwocky, all three titans in their own right fell to the Dread Cthulhu. What chance does a monster sown together from parts of the dead stand against an ancient god? Ah, but if you’ve learned anything (besides that he gets enraged when you call him Frankenstein), you know that the Creature is not the mute moron with pyrophobia from the movies..

So when Cthulu rises from the sea, one hundred stories high, tentacle mouth unfurled in all his horrific might, Frankenstein pulls from his meek burlap sack the head of Medusa and turns the mighty Cthulhu to stone just like Perseus did in the ancient myths. The Creature has defeated Wendigo, Dracula, Medusa, and now Cthulhu with his knowledge and ingenuity. The Creature has made the final four because he is literate. He reads. In other words, the Creature is the winner because he is an undead, ticked off nerd who is tired of being treated like an outcast! Man, he really just needs a girlfriend already…please…someone…

Magic Users:

Doctor Strange dispatched Saruman with some difficulty. Gandalf the White would be much more challenging. Transporting the both of them into another dimension would not weaken any of Gandalf’s power. Next, Strange binds Gandalf with the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak. But Gandalf breaks free with Narya, the Ring of Fire, and strikes the first vicious blow by chopping off Strange’s right leg. Crippled but not incapacitated, Strange retaliates with a vengeance. Bending space and time, he shatters Glamdring, transforms Gandalf’s staff into a jump rope, and Narya into a ring pop. Gandalf decides this isn’t really worth it and asks to be returned to the shire so he can smoke some Longbottom Leaf. Exhausted, Doctor Strange capitulates and then barely recites the incantation to heal his leg before he falls to the ground.

While he has defeated Mithrandir, will he have enough left in the tank to make the finals?

Fan’s Choice

I’ve left it up to the fans to determine the winners of these two battles. Let’s see who you picked.

Robots:

The vote on Facebook for who would win between Amazo and Vision was deadlocked at a tie, so I had to make the call on this one. A friend of mine called Amazo a “poor man’s Super Skrull” and another pointed out that the Justice League of the 90s made him the butt of a joke – the Justice League of the 90s. While I disagree that Amazo is a poor man’s Super Skrull (I’ll take the JL over the FF any day), I do recall that Batman and Nightwing took down Amazo without the help of any metahumans.

From Batman #637 and Batman: Under the Red Hood
From Batman #637 and Batman: Under the Red Hood

Amazo now faces an Avenger, not just another suped-up robot. While Amazo can duplicate the powers of the Justice League, the Vision has comparable powers himself. However, it is Vision’s superhuman analytic abilities that give him the edge over Amazo, who in most of the versions I’ve seen is either a narcissistic fool or like a child throwing a tantrum in a frenzied search for the answer to some philosophical question of why he exists. Vision has all the answers. He finds the answer to defeating Amazo in six minutes and 25.013 seconds.

Aliens

My heart says Martian Manhunter while my head says Darkseid. Is there a more powerful being with a worse weakness than Martian Manhunter? One of my favorite Batman lines is when he threatens J’onn J’onzz that he spent a fortune on kryptonite for superman, all he needs is a dime for a matchbook to defeat the Martian.

Apparently, you all v ogted with your hearts over your minds because Manhunter won in a landslide. So we have to assume that the interpretation of his weakness is a pyrophobia and that our Martian hero has been able to overcome it. Or perhaps they are fighting in the middle of an ocean. With his telepathy, shape-shifting, projecting energy, x-ray vision, phasing, invisibility, flight, and super strength, the Martian Manhunter would present a similar (if not more effective) challenge to Darkseid as Superman.

So let’s go with that. Manhunter would at first try to incapacitate Darkseid mentally, but to no avail as the Lord of Apokolips would feel no regret or guilt about his many atrocities. From here on, J’onn would employ the rope-a-dope tactic, phasing everytime Darkseid attempts to deliver a fatal blow or Omega blast while countering with his own super strength and Martian vision blasts. After physically tiring, Darkseid’s psychic defenses are slightly lowered and Manhunter is able to shut down his mind.

And there you have it! Martian Manhunter versus the Vision and Doctor Strange versus the Creature. Vote for the winners on the Nerdlocker Facebook page!

Martian Manhunter, Vision, Doctor Strange, the Creature
Martian Manhunter, Vision, Doctor Strange, the Creature

Jason

I've been a comic nerd since Spider-man and his Amazing Friends and the Super Friends. So someone please explain to me, when did Aquaman become so cool? Also, why isn't She-Hulk in more media?