We’re down to sixteen competitors. Let’s see who survived.
Monsters:
While the Balrog is a formidable foe, Cthulhu’s ability to change his size allowed him to punt Balrog back into the hole Gandalf had sent him.
Unless Pyramid Head wields the vorpal sword, The Jabberwocky is the one going “snicker-snack!”
Wolfman looked up from chomping on Jacob’s femur and turned to stone.
While both The Creature and Dracula can relate to the experience of having their likenesses trampled on by modern media, we must go back to the original material to determine a winner. The Creature outlives his creator and disappears into the Arctic. Dracula gets staked and beheaded by a geriatric thanks to the newfound technological advancement of the typewriter. (That’s right. I’m an English Lit major. I’m not ashamed. I’m not ashamed.)
Magic Users:
I am a fan of both Helena Bonham Carter and Christopher Lee. Both characters are henchmen of sorts to a more powerful evil force. One is defeated by a bookish orphan, the other by a Hobbit. What it comes down to is that Lord of the Rings trumps Harry Potter. Saruman is the OG of villainous wizards.
Children have given both Voldemort and The White Witch more than they could handle. The White Witch’s staff is broken by a bratty Brit and then she becomes cat food. Voldemort shoots himself after his last Horcrux was broken in a thrift shop somewhere. I suppose those aren’t any worse defeats than getting your bling thrown into lava. Coin toss: Voldemort wins.
Doctor Strange defeats Doctor Doom. The Squirrel Girl theory presides once more. By the way, check out the graphic novel Triumph and Torment to see these two doctors join forces against Mephisto.
Robots:
The time for being funny is over. At least that’s what everyone keeps telling me. Amazo beats Bender. Amazo versus Ultron might be the most exciting matchup of this sweet sixteen. If those two make it, then Vision has to be amongst them. Besides, how does Megatron know where to aim once he’s transformed into that giant gun? (You’ve noticed I have selective amnesia when it comes to Michael Bay).
Once Gort is activated there is only one thing that can stop him from destroying the entire planet. The Sentinel was not smart enough to know what that was. Do you?
Aliens:
It was difficult staying away from The Human Torch part of Super Skrull, but the Martian Manhunter used his telepathy to remind Super Skrull that he is just a big poser – a poser of a super team that hasn’t been cool since the 1960s.
Probably the most lopsided matchup was Spock versus the Silver Surfer. What is Spock supposed to do, ask for a ride on his surfboard and then Vulcan death pinch him? The Power Cosmic is just too cosmically powerful.
Sinestro is a Green Lantern who becomes so obsessed with installing order that he becomes a dictator on his homeworld. Darkseid kills his own brother and then his mother in order to become the ruler of Apokolips and is obsessed with discovering the Anti-Life Equation so that he can rule the entire universe. Both of these supervillains are obsessed with control, both have pretty cool origins, both have tormented superheroes on multiple occasions. Yet even if Sinestro had his entire corps to battle him, Darkseid is just too powerful.
Fan’s Choice:
The fans have spoken. Let it be written!
While Zatanna might have a more sexually appealing costume, Gandalf has a Fire Ring. I have to admit that I thought this would be a little closer in the voting than it was. Come to think of it though, saying spells backwards is a pretty silly power and one that seems to have been invented just so that those lonely, lonely comic artists could draw her bound and gagged on several occasions (as they also did with Black Canary and Wonder Woman).
On suicide watch put the Whovians. Edged out The Doctor by two votes Yoda did. Worry not, Whovians. Reappear will the 27th version of your beloved protagonist.
The Sweet 16 provides some great matchups! Gandalf versus Voldemort! Silver Surfer versus Darkseid! Ultron vesus Amazo! And Cthulhu versus Jabberwocky!
Leave your objections, comments, and love letters in the comments below. Then keep an eye out for your chance to vote for Silver Surfer or Darkseid on Nerdlocker’s Facebook page.
And here’s another image to brighten your weekend!
