March Nerdness 2013 – Round 2
Behold the results of round one and weep!
The Creature is so ticked that everyone keeps calling him Frankenstein that he ripped Wendigo’s arm off and beat him with it like he was Grendel (who probably should have made the tournament instead anyway).
The Jabberwocky kept his distance from Shelob’s venomous fangs and flambéed her into a crispy critter, while Hyde couldn’t keep his eyes off of a half-naked woman – even if she was half-serpent.
Hydra. Cut off one had and two more grow back in its place. Ah, but the Balrog’s sword of fire simply cauterized the neck so that nothing could grow back.
While Edward could have easily killed Dracula in the daylight hours, he was unfortunately too busy stalking his girlfriend. Dracula, Nos Feratu, Lord of the Undead, found Edward and simply removed his head. Bella ran to cry into Jacob’s bare chest only to find that the Wolfman had disemboweled him before tracking down the Lizard. So Bella joined eHarmony to find another dangerous predator.
Dream might be the most powerful character in this bracket. But he shall not pass!
Willow versus Zatanna. Nerds are just hoping Zatanna says, “Sehtolc ruoy ffo ekat!” So, I’ll let you use your imaginations as to how this one came to its climactic conclusion. Just don’t hurt yourselves.
The White Witch was just too frigid to be enchanted. Prospero was always too dependent upon his slaves, Ariel and Caliban, to ever hope to overcome the likes of Saruman.
Perhaps Doctor Fate was too dependent on the Helm of Nabu and was thus defeated by He-who-must-not-be-named. This is the one I struggled with the most. Doctor Fate is just too cool to lose in the first round, but there’s nothing worse than seeing a horde of Harry Potter fans in a frenzy. They might hurt themselves.
It would not take the Eye of Agamotto for the Sorcerer Supreme to figure out that a bucket of water would melt this witch.
While Merlin would certainly outmatch Doctor Doom in magic, he was confounded by Doom’s use of technology. Doom cheated.
At first Bender was mesmerized by the caliber of the Fembot’s weapons, but ultimately the Fembot yielded to Bender’s irresistible charm and his stolen booty.
While IG 88 is built to kill and Optimus Prime is responsible for what we hope is the death of Shia Labeouf’s career, they are no match for androids who have single-handedly taken on the Justice League and The Avengers. Plus, upon closer examination IG 88 just sort of stands around in the movies. For all we know, H.E.L.P.E.R. might be more deadly. And Optimus transforms into a semi. Have you seen the price of gas these days?
Which apocalyptic future is more foreboding? Judgment Day or Days of Future Past? Bigger is better.
Alright, alright, Whovians, before you get all upset about Gort defeating the Cyberman, I have two points to make. One, there is some debate whether the Cyberman should have even made the list since he is in certain episodes referred to as a cyborg. Two, without movies like The Day the Earth Stood Still, there would be no Doctor Who. If you haven’t seen this anti-war, science-fiction classic, then get off those high-horses you always seem to be riding.
Oh, Number Six, how the nerds will weep that you did not make it to the final four to face off against Seven of Nine. Alas, such a matchup will have to remain in that encrypted folder of fan fiction and fan art for you were no match for a robot who can transform into a giant handgun. I blame the NRA.
Alright, alright, Trekkies… I know that you believe that the Whovians are no match for your science-fiction expertise because Star Trek is grounded in “real” science. So, let’s be logical here and put any emotional attachments aside. Would an android with super strength and a phaser be able to defeat an android with super strength, flight, invisibility, and laser beams that shoot out of his eyes? Hypocrites.
Whovians! You’re back. As you can see, even though I am new to Who and prefer Matt Smith as The Doctor, I am not a hater. If anyone can finally unite Thanos with his true love, it’s a Time Lord. In my opinion this is the Georgetown upset of the first round. Thanos fought the entire Marvel Universe with a bejeweled glove and now he lost to a screwdriver.
The Martian Manhunter and Silver Surfer are far too powerful of aliens fall to an alien who can’t even rock a Mohawk and another that is basically just a spider-faced redneck.
If this were a wet t-shirt contest, Super Skrull wouldn’t stand a chance — unless he was genetically modified to look like Jessica Alba. But it’s not a wet t-shirt contest. Seven of Nine’s efforts against an alien with the combined powers of the Fantastic Four would prove futile.
How could an alien with acidic blood, sharp claws and teeth, a pointy tail, and a jabby/bitey tongue lose to an alien with pointy ears? Brain power and a phaser set to kill. Spock doesn’t get spooked by drooling aliens that get a little exhuberant at hugging and kissing.
Whovians! You’re back again! There’s just no pleasing you. As much as the Daleks are the Doctor Doom of The Doctor’s villains in popularity, one lone Dalek is Moleman in potency.
My nine-year-old son and I debated for quite some time as to who would win between Darkseid and Darth Maul. My son seemed to think that Maul could force choke Darkseid. I posited that Darkseid’s Omega beams were too much for a Sith Lord who got halfsied by a Jedi-in-training with a trailer trash hair cut. I then had my son write “The Clone Wars does not fit into continuity” fifty times and sent him to his room to think about what he had said. Tough love.
Fans Choice: You’ve spoken (between the comments and the polls on facebook) and I’m just trying to fathom your reasoning.
Bellatrix Lestrange edged out Raven while Yoda beat Starfire by a landslide. Apparently, a muppet with poor syntax is more popular than a scantily clad warrior princess with orange skin. I blame Jersey Shore.
Well, we’ve got some doozies next week. Keep an eye out for the results of the sweet 16 and your chance to have a say in who is the March Nerdness 2013 champion!
Also, here’s something to think about…